This is important if you are truly a gamer who is seeking to be with your player 2 or you are a person who has watched/read a video about dating a gamer or geek, this is not something to be taken lightly. These are my experiences and I will try to apply them to the points I will make. But honestly, it’s hard to date amongst ourselves. Sometimes it’s because of area, sometimes it’s because of social distance, sometimes it’s just because of us not knowing where the good, geeky, gamers are at…Which might make you reclusive. But if you are dating and come to find out that the person you are with is a geek or a gamer, these are some things you will need to realize and come to terms.
Our interest are not of a “common” social interest
We are weird…Point Blank. Our sense of humor can sometimes fit into a common social environment, but really, I would much rather tell jokes about Gears 3 and that time I had a Brumak clip through a building and stomp on me and my squad or the 6 star match between Okada and Omega. The stereotype does not apply to all G&G (going to keep it simple G&G will be geeks and gamers) we do not all stay in our mothers basement or are extremely antisocial, we talk. Just because are interest do not align with the common speech topics of what you would like to talk about, does not mean that we have anything less to add to a conversation. We are passionate people just like anyone else and have our likes and dislikes just like anyone else. Do not write us off just because of the fact that you have no interest in anime, or Battlefield or Star Lord or whatever the subject may be. A relationship is about knowing and dating is about learning. If you are not willing to learn about the person you are out with then you are not willing to be with that person.
Lack of Understanding the Interest of the Geek
Which brings me to this next topic. A person needs to be understood, even if not agreed with, when conversing. When we try to get you to understand of what we speak it is not a good idea to turn away especially if the topics is spoken of with great passion. If you are sitting down talking our ear off, about politics and your strong feelings towards gun control, isn’t it only fair that you respect my topics, about Berserk being one of the best animes to ever watch or the differences and similarities between comics and movies, the same as I would yours? Because ultimately what matters to you will have to matter to me if things are to continue on in our respective realms as we try to combine them into one.
Judgment turns into an instant turn off and loss of interest
One of the quickest ways to end a date is a loss of interest. There are things that can be said to insta-kill a date or a potential relationship. “I think video games are for the lazy.” “Comic books are for kids.” “Isn’t that a devil worshipping game? “Why do you collect all this junk?” You gotta understand, peoples choices and activities are reflections of their personalities. Gamers escape reality to distress and get away from common every day pressures. Geeks could be fascinated with things they take them away from reality as well. I myself am a fan of Magic the Gathering and would love to learn to play some Dungeons and Dragons. But just because I love MtG doesn’t mean that I worship the devil. Just because I play video games doesn’t make me lazy. I do what I do because I love doing it, period. To even judge someone based on ignorance and miss understanding is a surefire way for them to judge you back until eventually both of you lose interest in one and other. An open mind gathers more interest and information than a closed one. Don’t be afraid to try to grow to learn about a persons interest without judging them. You may find yourself likening the same things as well.
You think that we do not want to have anything to do with you
But if you can not find common ground, this is where things get murky. One person starts to feel like the other does not want to have anything to do with them. If someone of the G&G variety sets aside the games, comics and other things just to make time to spend with you and whatever activity you want to do (Park, play, concert whatever it may be) then they are clearly trying to show an interest in you. For you to even say “You play too many games!” “You have too much stuff!” “You spend more time reading comics than you do with me!” is an assumption based on a narrow view. We aren’t doing too much of one thing because we are making time for you. If you feel that you want to do all of your activities and not let us do the things we love, but get mad at us when we even turn a page or smash a button, there is a problem. Realize that we set aside the books, the games, collecting and whatever else just to make time for you. If I am willing to set aside my new copy of Tekken 7: Fated Retribution for weeks, just to try to take care of things to make you happy is a sacrifice in itself. It’s not that we do too much of anything, it’s just you not realizing the sacrifices that we have and are making to assure you are happy.
We sometimes feel like we have to cut back/be less of ourself because we are “too much?”
If G&G’s feel like they have to cut back on anything in their life to the point where no longer feel like their usual self, there will be a lot of sadness on their side of things. Every day is exactly the same. Limiting a person to the point where they are bored with the things that they do can bring about a depression which later on can cause depression for both people because of the emotions shared between both sides. If you are out with someone or you tell them that “You’re saying this wrong.” “You are too loud…” “Calm down.” You probably do not need to be with that person. And anyone that is a G&G should definitely realize that this is a warning sign and should move on. If people accept you for who you are naturally and genuinely like being around you then you don’t need that one person in your life that is telling you how to act or what you should do. Go forth and be you. If you want to Cos-Play as a giant Gundam then go do it, don’t let that person hold you back. If they really cared they would be right there with you dressed up as something Cos-Playing along with you.
We do things differently
Some people want to sit back and watch an episode one show at a time, especially if it’s a series that comes out on Netflix. We have time, one might say. Not us, we will binge watch the whole damn thing with no shame and be extremely happy when we finish the last episode. I was like that with Luke Cage and Daredevil. I refused to wait on anyone because I had been waiting long enough just to watch all 13 episodes. We are going to do things our way because we have been doing them that way for so long. If something occurs in our realm of interest, we are going to do whatever we can to partake in it. If you feel like this is something that you cannot do, then realize and respect the fact that it will be done one way or another. We are stubborn like that, it’s what drives us to want to focus on the many different things in our lives that we enjoy. Compromise is always something that should be taken upon both people to find a happy medium, but when it comes to things we enjoy, realize that we are going to do them.
The Critical Hit
It’s simple science:If you can’t like someone for who they are then maybe you shouldn’t be with them. Stop wasting your time and other peoples time. It doesn’t matter if a friend or group of people tell you differently. “Girl, you need to date yourself a geek.” “Geek girls are hot” etc. None of it matters if you both are not happy. What you should do is looks for what you know you like. If you like a guy or girl because of the fact that they like to travel, dance, go out, watch movies, whatever…Then by all means make sure that is what you look for. But if you are going to date someone who is a Geek/Gamer make sure that you realize these things. At the end of the day they are people too, people who are willing to love and willing to grow with and get to know someone. But also, they are people who have standards and are willing to explore another type of person, even if they don’t seem like they have similar interest. And to any geeks or gamers who think that they should date someone who doesn’t have the same interest as them, realize that just like this article, the inverse implies to you as well. I’m not saying that it is not possible for opposites to attract. What I’m saying is that it will take a lot of time, a lot of effort and understanding for both people to realize that they will have a tough road ahead of them when it comes to trying to sync up understanding in order to produce happiness. But if you are there, don’t give up. Good relationships take time and work regardless of who you are with. Don’t ever change who you are for anyone and don’t ever compromise your happiness. Stay Geek and stay proud, game hard and game loud.
War is never silent…
–War Child Offline